Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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