i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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