Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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