hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
