apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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