you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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