i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
