I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
