i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
