I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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