Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
