Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
