Redeem this text for a blowjob
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
