I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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