I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize