She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
