he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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