now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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