If i come over, it means nothing
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
