oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
