Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
