I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
