I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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