Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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