In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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