I faked an abortion last night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
