More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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