the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
please don't ironically join a cult
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