All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
