My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
