you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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