Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
