i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
