I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
