I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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