god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
