Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
