I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
