I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
