Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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