I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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