Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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