i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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