Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
