we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
