Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
