I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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