it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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