ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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