i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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