Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
