If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
