Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
