This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
