my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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