It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
