I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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