Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
