You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
