She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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