my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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