He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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