I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
