I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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