I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
