My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
