omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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