We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
