I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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