Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
