Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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