Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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