someone threw a dead crab at me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
