Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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