I think my fart just growled at me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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