New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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