I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
