it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
