You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
